In the Realm of Hysteria III

Another shift started as per usual. Wandering aimlessly into Birth Suite and seen and ignored loudly by the nameless midwives. As if they were able to sus out who would be useful to them in a glance. To them I'm a nameless young medico with questionable aptitude.

I do not want to be like the med student, also wandering and being actively ignored. I do not want to elicit the same distaste she conjures up by overcompensating with aggressiveness and requests being involved in patient care.

I think, like nursing staff elsewhere, you have to prove your worth or willingness to listen to experience by sticking around, by being polite, by cooperation. Midwives are just a little more territorial, that's all, being more independent than other nursing specialities, and have strong beliefs about the whole childbirth experience.

I was asked by one of the bosses today how I'm doing whilst in the above state. I responded honestly: "Lost," I said. He seemed surprised and probably took pity and invited me to participate in theatre time. Instead of "providing entertainment" as he had planned, my suturing skills, though shaky, were better than he had expected. He seemed pleasantly surprised at my one-hand tying technique that we learnt a couple of weeks ago, on (defrosted) chicken rumps.

Despite more involvement, I just still don't "get" Obstetrics. Not only that each Casearian section I see scares me, and the heavy smell of blood and gore linger in my nostrils. I hold my breath and pray during each baby delivery (I think that's an euphemism for "extraction," as akin to "dental extraction"). I just keep on missing a puzzle piece of the whole complicated system. It's just a whole different world to everywhere else.

However, as I retire to bed, only to rise to a weekend of more work, I thank goodness for bored clinicians who occasionally remember that what bores them is still uncharted learning territory for others.